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Author Topic: Today, my kid...  (Read 10188 times)

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Offline bakervscarrr

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Today, my kid...
« on: July 20, 2017, 12:02:32 PM »
...hasn't done shit. He hasn't done shit all week. It's Thursday and he wore the same pair of pajamas for the entire first half of the week. This morning I woke up and he was still in the same tired superhero PJ bottoms that are three years and two sizes small, and a gigantor Barrett Baber tee shirt that is personally signed by the man himself. It hangs down to his knees and has "Your dad is rad" in Sharpie because I am and that little ingrate needs to know it. I made him change into some more superhero pajamas because even when it's summertime, you have to try a little bit.

He hasn't done anything this week, but he's had a pretty eventful summer. He sat in a replica of a teenager's bedroom and played the original, old school NES Duck Hunt at the National Video Game Museum in Frisco, got introduced to fishing in the intracoastal at Orange Beach, and learned, to his great horror, of the devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina, at the IMAX theater inside the Audubon Aquarium in New Orleans. The movie came at the end of a long day and we thought he'd doze off, but he was transfixed. When it was over, he was in tears and inconsolable. The next day at a sno-ball stand on Tchoupitoulas, he lectured some locals on their lack of preparation for The Big One. I was horrified. They laughed and told him he wasn't wrong, and by the time we reached the front of the line we had new friends from Metairie who he was inviting to visit us in Arkansas later in the summer.

Seven years ago today, he wasn't doing shit either. His mother had been induced at 0500, and we were just waiting, watching awful daytime television and visiting with family. We waited and waited, throughout the day and into the night, until they cut him out shortly after midnight, and discovered a knot in his umbilical cord that could have been very bad news if they had not cut him out. 10 lbs 6oz that changed my life forever. Tomorrow he turns seven, and it has been a hell of a ride, man.

This is the third time I've started this thread. There was one on Oinkx, and there was one in the Underworld. I don't know how it will go on the main board. Maybe it will be the same, just without names or pictures. Maybe some of y'all will still use names and pictures. Maybe it will suck and slide off the first page in a couple of days. But the other two threads were fun for me to read, and others have said the same, so what the hell. Here it is if you want it. I think we can all be nice. We're not animals all the time. Except for Animal.


Offline Rick B.

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2017, 12:33:13 PM »
Damn, my kid hasn't done shit all summer either. He's 15. He has a golf lesson tomorrow at 4 pm. He's playing on the Fort Smith Southside golf team starting 10th grade this fall. He's been seizure free since January. And that one was an isolated occurrence. The last cluster of 3 was in late July early August last year.

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Offline irishhoss

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2017, 12:48:21 PM »
In early June, my 12-year old tried out for a part in "the Wizard of Oz". She found the audition info online and decided she wanted to do it so my wife drove her the 40 miles to beautiful Alexandria, LA so she could sing in front of 10 strangers who would tell her if she was good enough to be in their shitty production of a movie that has always creeped me out. I was so proud of her because I would never have had the balls to do that. But I was also terrified because I knew that she would be heartbroken if she didn't get a part. A week later, they put up the cast list and she was picked to play one of the "Ozian Emerald Ensemble" or something similar. I was hoping for a flying monkey but I'll take it. She wouldn't have been any more excited if they had told her she had gotten the lead in a Broadway play.

My 10-year old played baseball most of the summer and had about a million dollars worth of equipment put in his mouth. When they told me the price, I was hoping for platinum and diamonds. I was disappointed. It didn't give him any street cred and only made him sound like he's speaking Portuguese most of the time now.

My 7-year old's softball team just won their division's LA state tournament and start the World Series on the 29th. She's played a lot of ball this summer. No travel ball, just league and all-stars but it feels like they have been playing since February. I can't imagine they will do very well in the Series but who knows? Anyway, that's about all my kids have been doing other than pissing each other off and getting yelled at by their mother.

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Offline Count Porkula

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2017, 01:23:31 PM »
by "my kid" you really mean you don't you?

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Offline Tampa TechnoHOG

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2017, 04:34:58 PM »
 :haironfire: :haironfire:                 :haironfire: 
:haironfire:

Kids

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Offline Stephen Colboar

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2017, 05:50:02 PM »
:haironfire:

I watched this for way longer than I care to admit.

I’ve never experienced anyone working at CFA being a jerk or rude but yesterday I encountered a guy in the drive thru who was not only rude but a jerk. When I finally had my order and he didn’t even say my pleasure I yelled “thanks for being a jerk” and drove off.

Offline PorkRyan

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2017, 07:13:22 PM »
My 12 year old daughter and 15 year old son have been doing Fasdogs the last two week.  Son had football scrimmage yesterday vs Northside and then played baseball today in 100 degree heat after football workouts.  Baseball the rest of the weekend.

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Offline LaMoHog

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2017, 07:28:04 PM »
My one year old couldn't walk six weeks ago, now she's all over the place. Can say Dada and gets so excited when I come home from work. She's going to completely ruin me, and it'll be great.


Offline Sliver72

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2017, 07:33:26 PM »
My one year old couldn't walk six weeks ago, now she's all over the place. Can say Dada and gets so excited when I come home from work. She's going to completely ruin me, and it'll be great.
Enjoy that shit while you can. It goes fast. Mine is 10...looks like she'll be needing a training bra soon and contradicts every thing I say. I thought I'd have just a little more time... God dammit.

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Offline Tonic

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #9 on: July 20, 2017, 07:33:48 PM »
My cat does some crazy ass shit sometimes...

That's all I have to offer

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Offline PigsInSpace

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #10 on: July 20, 2017, 07:43:04 PM »
My 13yo son is an above average basketball player. I doubt he will be looking at any major D1 offers or anything. He is determined to prove me wrong apparently. He took it upon himself to find a summer tournament team and practices evey single day. I am damn proud of that commitment. Wish I could get him to commit to school work at the same level.

Also this is the first year he has taken on full yard duties. He may do a better job than me.


Offline gibraltar

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #11 on: July 20, 2017, 07:54:00 PM »
Much thanks to baker for wanting to keep going a beloved thread from the Underworld. Don't know if it'll work here, but I'll bite.


My girl has spent every day in the pool so far this summer and is as dark as they come.


She also meets no stranger that is her age. If we go anywhere kids are around her age, she takes off with them and finds a way to have a good time.


Currently have a kid over and they are dressing up in Cinderella dresses trying to out do the other.


Offline gibraltar

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #12 on: July 20, 2017, 08:26:06 PM »
Someone broke the "attachments and other options", can't upload a photo.


Wasn't anything anyone could make out anyways, just the kids moving on to tearing it up on a gokart.

« Last Edit: July 20, 2017, 08:40:28 PM by gibraltar »

Offline asshat

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #13 on: July 20, 2017, 08:40:29 PM »
My 10 lb son (at birth) spent his summer out goofing up out west for 3 weeks and  just went over the 300 mile mark this year on the AT.  Enjoy all your little guys and girls it goes really fast.

(Glad BvC had to share here, I really like to read his stuff)

A fucking for the AGES. Gutless motherfuckers every one of them, from the replay man to the entire officials crew.  May the faggot, cowardly bastards rot in hell.  Gutless fucking pussies.

Online BrandonN004

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #14 on: July 20, 2017, 08:55:54 PM »
today my 16 month old girl was laughing so hard at knocking over a stacking cup tower over and over that she got the hiccups and threw up on herself, my child laughed so hard at being a dick she threw up. I'm actually proud of this.


Offline Hogwildpigcrazy

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #15 on: July 20, 2017, 09:02:48 PM »
Today my 7 year old grandson rode the biggest water slide at Big Kahunas in Destin twice. He rode every other waterslide as well. He is fearless (I have to watch him closely). And at my age I have trouble matching energy levels with him,

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Online DRYANKNPULL

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #16 on: July 20, 2017, 09:19:28 PM »
My 16 year old was told by a White County judge today that she will get to see what their county lock up looks like the next time they catch her doing 95 mph.


Offline bleedinred

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #17 on: July 20, 2017, 09:51:43 PM »
My 16 year old was told by a White County judge today that she will get to see what their county lock up looks like the next time they catch her doing 95 mph.

And what did you tell her?

I have a 12 year old daughter. The thought of her driving....Good God!


Online ArkGuy

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #18 on: July 20, 2017, 11:44:08 PM »
My 16 year old was told by a White County judge today that she will get to see what their county lock up looks like the next time they catch her doing 95 mph.

That's what you get for getting a 16 year old a decent car instead of a crappy 8 year old four cylinder (no im not bitter).

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Offline BASS

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #19 on: July 21, 2017, 12:55:38 AM »
I have 3 boys.  the oldest is a smart good-hearted kid, about to start middle school.  he's the kind of kid that makes you a proud parent.  My hope for him is that he toughens up some and has a better life than me.

The middle one may be borderline genius, last school year on a standardized test he scored 100th percentile on 16 of 21 categories with his lowest category 94th percentile; didn't know 100th percentile was possible.  But he's got ADHD, and his level of energy would make St. Peter pull his hair out while cursing under his breath now and then.  My hope for him is that he can control his behavior and have a better life than me.

The 3rd one...oh Lord.  He's autistic, and half the time he's a sweet kid that acts about half his age, the other half the time he challenges the hell out of me while acting about half his age.  My big hope for him is that he's able to attend a normal public school starting with kindergarten; after that, everything will be gravy.

I enjoy having fun with all 3.  I was off work today, took them to the pool and just enjoyed watching them have fun.  I wish everyday could be like today, but the need to earn the legal tender and the rest of life gets in the way all too often.  Slow down and enjoy the little things.

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Offline CharlieHog

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #20 on: July 21, 2017, 07:37:15 AM »
My 10 lb son (at birth) spent his summer out goofing up out west for 3 weeks and  just went over the 300 mile mark this year on the AT.  Enjoy all your little guys and girls it goes really fast.

(Glad BvC had to share here, I really like to read his stuff)


Is he hiking the full AT? I've been watching two youtube channels, one hiking the AT and one hiking the PCT. Very interesting. Isn't it late to be getting started on the AT if he's going at normal pace?


Offline asshat

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #21 on: July 21, 2017, 07:53:34 AM »
He is going in stages, he teachers for nine months and hikes for three (5 weeks on the AT both summers so far)  He did about 400 last year and will try to get 500 this year.  He walked back on where he left off last year and will pick back up next summer where he stops this year.  It's hard to believe that he is just over a 1/4 of the way done.

A fucking for the AGES. Gutless motherfuckers every one of them, from the replay man to the entire officials crew.  May the faggot, cowardly bastards rot in hell.  Gutless fucking pussies.

Offline Nolapigz

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #22 on: July 21, 2017, 09:07:37 AM »
My cat does some crazy ass shit sometimes...

That's all I have to offer
Right there with you, man.

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Offline CharlieHog

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #23 on: July 21, 2017, 09:24:12 AM »
He is going in stages, he teachers for nine months and hikes for three (5 weeks on the AT both summers so far)  He did about 400 last year and will try to get 500 this year.  He walked back on where he left off last year and will pick back up next summer where he stops this year.  It's hard to believe that he is just over a 1/4 of the way done.


That's really cool. I've never hiked at all but I just love the idea of a long thru-hike. The AT thru-hike I'm watching on youtube is a user called Raw Alignment. She is a super crunchy self-love vegan and this is her first thru-hike. The PCT channel is called Homemade Wanderlust and she's amazing. She's already hiked the AT and you can just tell she loves it all.


Offline gjramsey

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Re: Today, my kid...
« Reply #24 on: July 21, 2017, 03:37:51 PM »
My 16 year old is nearing the end of his 12 night trek at Philmont Scout Ranch in Northern NM.  This is the second trek he has been on.  I was able to go with him two years ago, and was an amazing (and pretty tough) experience.  The smell you acquire during this trek is shocking.