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Author Topic: YouR Tim Tebow thread  (Read 55146 times)

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Offline Boar Bidet

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #825 on: June 03, 2016, 01:34:11 PM »
Several years ago one of my wife's best friends (Jewish girl) got married to a regular garden variety white guy.  They did a ceremony where they walked him to the front of the Jew Church and had him take out his unit, and the Jew Preacher cut his wiener.  Right there.  In the Church.


And he was ALREADY CIRCUMCISED..   I was all "she must have the best everything in them panties,  ever,."  Them my wife pointed out that the bride's father had a helicopter AND a jet.


I still probably wouldn't have let the preacher carve on my unit.
wait...he circumcised the groom under the chuppah for everyone to see? And did the Mohel then place his mouth around the wound and suck up the blood like they do on infants? Judas
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Offline 1st_down_streak

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #826 on: June 03, 2016, 01:54:34 PM »
Several years ago one of my wife's best friends (Jewish girl) got married to a regular garden variety white guy.  They did a ceremony where they walked him to the front of the Jew Church and had him take out his unit, and the Jew Preacher cut his wiener.  Right there.  In the Church.


And he was ALREADY CIRCUMCISED..   I was all "she must have the best everything in them panties,  ever,."  Them my wife pointed out that the bride's father had a helicopter AND a jet.


I still probably wouldn't have let the preacher carve on my unit.

Guess he was willing to follow tradition if it meant he were a rich man. Now he has everything to life.     
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Offline lawtiger

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #827 on: June 03, 2016, 01:57:21 PM »
This may be the ultimate backdoor brag.

Goddamn.
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Offline Lurk

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #828 on: June 03, 2016, 02:29:54 PM »
Several years ago one of my wife's best friends (Jewish girl) got married to a regular garden variety white guy.  They did a ceremony where they walked him to the front of the Jew Church and had him take out his unit, and the Jew Preacher cut his wiener.  Right there.  In the Church.


And he was ALREADY CIRCUMCISED..   I was all "she must have the best everything in them panties,  ever,."  Them my wife pointed out that the bride's father had a helicopter AND a jet.


I still probably wouldn't have let the preacher carve on my unit.
Now you're just trolling these Yankees.  :maundoed:
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Offline saniflush

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #829 on: June 03, 2016, 02:33:49 PM »
Several years ago one of my wife's best friends (Jewish girl) got married to a regular garden variety white guy.  They did a ceremony where they walked him to the front of the Jew Church and had him take out his unit, and the Jew Preacher cut his wiener.  Right there.  In the Church.


And he was ALREADY CIRCUMCISED..   I was all "she must have the best everything in them panties,  ever,."  Them my wife pointed out that the bride's father had a helicopter AND a jet.


I still probably wouldn't have let the preacher carve on my unit.

Pics of said best friend.

Offline Arkansas Proud

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #830 on: June 03, 2016, 04:19:23 PM »
Pics of said best friend.

I figured Lurk or Coalboar would be the first in line to see a picture of a man's penis. 
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Offline Lurk

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #831 on: June 03, 2016, 04:26:32 PM »
I figured Lurk or Coalboar would be the first in line to see a picture of a man's penis.
From what's been posted in this thread to "a picture of a man's penis"... that's quite a jump even for you.
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Offline Mike Slive

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #832 on: June 03, 2016, 05:04:28 PM »
Pics of said best friend.

Gonna need to see pics of the chick. And maybe the chopper too.

Online HOGGLY WOGGLY

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #833 on: June 03, 2016, 05:53:38 PM »
Several years ago one of my wife's best friends (Jewish girl) got married to a regular garden variety white guy.  They did a ceremony where they walked him to the front of the Jew Church and had him take out his unit, and the Jew Preacher cut his wiener.  Right there.  In the Church.


And he was ALREADY CIRCUMCISED..   I was all "she must have the best everything in them panties,  ever,."  Them my wife pointed out that the bride's father had a helicopter AND a jet.


I still probably wouldn't have let the preacher carve on my unit.


At first I read this as this was done at his wedding and I was suspect so I did a google and found this. What you described was The Covenant of Circumcision which is done when a dude converts to Judaism and done well before the marriage ceremony. I bet your friend only got a little prick on his prick since he was already cut.

http://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/the-covenant-of-circumcision/

Quote
Whereas the Orthodox and Conservative movements require circumcision or, for those already circumcised, the ritual extraction of a drop of blood for a conversion to be valid


Offline The Reverend Snoophogg

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #834 on: June 04, 2016, 09:40:02 PM »

At first I read this as this was done at his wedding and I was suspect so I did a google and found this. What you described was The Covenant of Circumcision which is done when a dude converts to Judaism and done well before the marriage ceremony. I bet your friend only got a little prick on his prick since he was already cut.

http://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/the-covenant-of-circumcision/

I  did not ask to see his dick afterwards, but I know they drew blood..  She said they couldn't have sex for a week or so after, and was pretty bent about it.

I don't have any pictures of her, his dick, or anything g else.

Sorry for the confusion also.  I meant that he couldn't marry her until he did this.  Not that they did it at the wedding. 
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Offline Boar Bidet

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #835 on: June 06, 2016, 01:23:20 PM »
I  did not ask to see his dick afterwards, but I know they drew blood..  She said they couldn't have sex for a week or so after, and was pretty bent about it.

I don't have any pictures of her, his dick, or anything g else.

Sorry for the confusion also.  I meant that he couldn't marry her until he did this.  Not that they did it at the wedding.
so the mohel didn't suck the blood off his dick as tradition details?
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Offline Sweet River Baines

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #836 on: June 06, 2016, 01:30:54 PM »
so the mohel didn't suck the blood off his dick as tradition details?

That's the second time you've asked about that.  :portishead:
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Offline Lurk

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #837 on: June 06, 2016, 02:53:20 PM »
so the mohel didn't suck the blood off his dick as tradition details?
I guess if his pecker gets hard, you call off the wedding?
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Offline Tanny Bogus

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #838 on: June 07, 2016, 07:14:22 AM »
A Mohel goes to a leathersmith to see if he can have something made from all the foreskins that he has collected over the years.  The leathersmith takes a look and tells him to come back in 2 weeks.  2 weeks pass and the Mohel returns to see what the leathersmith has created.  He is surprised and disappointed to see that the result is a wallet, even though the craftsmanship is superb.  "It looks great, but I was hoping for something a bit larger", the Moel said.  The leathersmith replied, "It is one of my finest creations, and if you rub it, it turns into a briefcase."

Offline Thin Red Swine

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #839 on: June 07, 2016, 08:09:09 AM »
A Mohel goes to a leathersmith to see if he can have something made from all the foreskins that he has collected over the years.  The leathersmith takes a look and tells him to come back in 2 weeks.  2 weeks pass and the Mohel returns to see what the leathersmith has created.  He is surprised and disappointed to see that the result is a wallet, even though the craftsmanship is superb.  "It looks great, but I was hoping for something a bit larger", the Moel said.  The leathersmith replied, "It is one of my finest creations, and if you rub it, it turns into a briefcase."

Pretty sure Moses told that on his brief sprint through the wilderness.
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Online Tusk till Dawn

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #840 on: June 28, 2016, 08:49:24 AM »
http://www.barstoolsports.com/barstoolu/lord-and-savior-tim-tebow-saves-a-mans-life-on-airplane/?utm_campaign=SocialflowFB&utm_source=BarstoolFB&utm_medium=Socialflow






Still for the LIFE of me cannot understand why Tim Tebow is not on an NFL roster.  Ok, so he can’t throw. His mechanics are awful.  His accuracy rivals that of a Pop Warner C Team starting quarterback.  But you know what else he can’t do?  Lose games.  Dude just wins everything he ever does.  And I feel like the God angle is drastically overlooked with him, either the fact that he’s God’s best friend, or very well may be God himself after this little airplane episode where he let his true powers slip out. 

I mean you’re telling me there’s a guy who physically cannot throw… who spent an entire season winning games he shouldn’t have won, in miraculous fashion, taking a team to the playoffs and winning that playoff game on a deep ball…nothing about that has jumped out to anyone?  Needed him to walk on an airplane and place his palm on the chest of a dying elderly man to revive him to help make you realize. 

You sign Tebow, you sign the Lord and Savior, it’s that simple.  Maybe stop signing domestic abusers and rapists, start signing Holy Man Tim…what you lose on talent, you make up for in Karma points.  Honestly I feel like I’m the only one who knows sports around here anymore.
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Offline TexZilla

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #841 on: June 28, 2016, 10:52:49 AM »
I would try out tebow as a third QB simply to manage my two point / go for it game.  With him running a wildcat i would go for two every TD and practice it as a separate special teams unit.

I think it would deliver 35 more points a season which is a lot in the nfl as close as games are. 

I like the kid but he needs to learn his broadcasting craft.  He has potential to be really good.


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Offline Count Porkula

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #842 on: June 28, 2016, 11:02:00 AM »
I would try out tebow as a third QB simply to manage my two point / go for it game.  With him running a wildcat i would go for two every TD and practice it as a separate special teams unit.

I think it would deliver 35 more points a season which is a lot in the nfl as close as games are. 



His ego won't allow for that.  In his mind he's a great NFL QB ala, Dale.
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Offline TexZilla

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #843 on: June 28, 2016, 12:27:41 PM »
His ego won't allow for that.  In his mind he's a great NFL QB ala, Dale.

thats his other problem.  Had he committed to learning to be a tight end he might have been a Gronk level player.  Nothing wrong with being a former great college QB converting to other positions.

Offline Arkansas Proud

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #844 on: June 28, 2016, 03:45:44 PM »
His ego won't allow for that.  In his mind he's a great NFL QB ala, Dale.

???

He did try multiple other positions in order to stay in the NFL and just wasn't quite good enough at any of them.

Ego?  You don't like him because he openly professes a love for God. That much is pretty obvious.
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Offline Count Porkula

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #845 on: June 28, 2016, 04:21:32 PM »
???

He did try multiple other positions in order to stay in the NFL and just wasn't quite good enough at any of them.

Ego?  You don't like him because he openly professes a love for God. That much is pretty obvious.

bullshit.  he flat out said he didn't want to play any position other than quarterback. 

his belief in god has nothing to do with it.  he could act the same way for team satan and i'd still hate the mf'er. his smarmy attitude is what makes him suck.  i have the same resentment towards Lebron b/c of his antics.
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Offline Phat_Hawg

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #846 on: June 28, 2016, 04:44:32 PM »

his belief in god has nothing to do with it.  he could act the same way for team satan and i'd still hate the mf'er. his smarmy attitude is what makes him suck.  i have the same resentment towards Lebron b/c of his antics.

I don't see that at all.  I believe he's a genuinely sincere and all around good person. 
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Offline Pumpkin Escobar

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #847 on: June 28, 2016, 06:08:44 PM »
Tebow is a genuinely good person. It's just a shame his passing arm is possessed by a mentally retarded demon.
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Offline TexZilla

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #848 on: June 28, 2016, 09:26:11 PM »

???

He did try multiple other positions in order to stay in the NFL and just wasn't quite good enough at any of them.

Ego?  You don't like him because he openly professes a love for God. That much is pretty obvious.

He refused to play any position other than QB.  The Pats brought him in to figure it out and wanted to try him at other positions because he has football talent and he refused.  He never had the arm or brains. 

Tebow has broadcasting talent.  He is very good with Holmes on Home Free.


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Offline Thin Red Swine

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Re: YouR Tim Tebow thread
« Reply #849 on: Today at 03:46:09 PM »
???

He did try multiple other positions in order to stay in the NFL and just wasn't quite good enough at any of them.

He even tried missionary.



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